Take It Easy

I'm starting my New Year's Resolutions early this year—or late, depending on how you want to look at it. In the spirit of my last post about planning and organization, I've really been making an effort to do just that. I even pre-planned 12 blog post topics, 12 songs to go with them, and set a goal to try to do one blog post per month. However, the beauty of setting your own goals is also having the prerogative to modify them when you need to.

Over on the Books and Writers Community Forum, I've been participating in the Monthly Goals thread. It's one thing to have goals, but a little accountability does go a long way. Somehow, when other people see your "to-do list," it seems more official and adds a little motivation. This month, the theme is to "celebrate" anything and everything but especially all we've accomplished in our writing, and we are to set this month's goals with that idea in mind. As I thought back over what I've done this year, I realized how letting my priorities get skewed just a little bit throws everything else completely out of whack.

So, my goal for this month—and I challenge you to do the same—is to relax. Take it easy! Yep, you heard me—Slow Down and Enjoy December 2013. I assure you, daily life and everything that exists to stress about will still be there in January. Until then, bask in the glow of your Christmas lights. Sit on the floor with your children. Get Enough Sleep!

As I mentioned in my post on the forum, the past couple of months have, for me, been a long, miserable exercise in "10,000 ways how NOT to make a light bulb." In other words, there's been a lot of trial and error in how to not find time for writing and get so overwhelmed with everything else that the light at the end of the tunnel completely disappears. So, this is my month to re-group. Not every plan is a good plan. Plans tend to be living, breathing entities, always changing and evolving. Flexible. Even if you start with Plan A and work your way through the whole alphabet, the end result will still be the same; the important thing is to keep trying until you find something that works.

The most valuable lesson I've learned this year is that no goal is worth the amount of sleep lost in order to accomplish it. Another lesson is that time is too precious to waste it doing things that make you miserable (laundry and cleaning bathrooms are exempt from this category, unfortunately). For me, this means cutting back on the number and type of jobs that I accept for proofreading and editing. Because fiction is my first love and what I want to write, I made the decision to stop accepting new clients for anything other than fiction writing. Had I imagined how at peace I would feel about this, I would have done it a long time ago.

And that's it. Relax. Enjoy. Celebrate! Marvel at the amazing things you've accomplished this year. Learn from what didn't work, and plan to do better—starting fresh in January. I wish you a wonderful, stress-free, relaxing month and a very Merry Christmas!



I bet you were expecting the Eagles, weren't you? <g>  Nope, this is a genuine 80s song, straight off the American Anthem soundtrack. A Karate Kid-type movie but with gymnastics, it stars Olympic icon Mitch Gaylord and Mrs. Wayne Gretsky, Janet Jones. In true 80s fashion, I loved it. And I get extra giddy about this song because it's performed by Duran Duran guitarist Andy Taylor. It just doesn't get any better than this. "Take it Easy" by Andy Taylor—Enjoy!


# of Proofreads: 24
# of Edits: 66

Right on Track - Why Having a Plan is Better Than Not

I've always been a "list" person. I make lists for everything. It just feels better to have it all written down, like the writing of it is an accomplishment in itself. When I was a teacher, I was the most organized person in the building. I had files, labels, crates, folders, pens, pencils, scissors, Sharpies, bulletin board boarders, and most importantly, I had a system. I drew up charts, created forms, meticulously decorated, and shared my ideas and procedures with my teacher team, who worked with me to create a consistency across the board. I knew where things were; I met deadlines. My desk was tidy, and I had comparatively fewer discipline issues because my students knew to expect structure and routine in my class. It was my domain, my responsibility, and—more or less—completely under my control.

It was awesome.

Unfortunately, since transitioning from working mom to stay-at-home mom, my attempts to convey the same level of organization and functionality at home have been one big epic failure. Instead of getting on top of things and staying there, I'm constantly playing catch-up. Clutter rules, chaos reigns, and control is, um, I'm not sure I know what that is any more.

Why has it been so hard to make it all work at home? There are probably a lot of reasons and even more blame to spread around, but I've had a major epiphany - I need a plan.

A few weeks ago, my best friends drove 900 miles to come visit me. To avoid a last-minute mad rush to clean everything in an all-night frenzy, I pulled out my Handy Dandy Jot-Down-Everything pad and made a list. I wrote down what needed to get done and then assigned myself one or two of those tasks per day in the week before they got here. Guess what? It worked! I got everything done in a leisurely manner and didn't have to give up any sleep for it. Who knew?

Then it occurred to me: Why don't I do this all the time? There is a wise quote that has been attributed to several people, including Ben Franklin, Winston Churchill, and Anonymous (that speaker of all wise things. ;p), which says, "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail." Hmm.. That explains so much about why my house looks like it does...

Now, this is much easier said than done. Creating a workable, maintainable plan/schedule around four other people whose agendas amount to  a) no agenda at all and b) thwart Mom's agenda at all costs has represented a bit of a challenge. I've struggled to come up with a thwart-proof plan.

What does this have to do with writing? Quite a bit, as it turns out. In order to write, correctly and well, a plan is required. I can sit and ponder plot and word choice all day, but this book sure as heck isn't going to write itself! (Apparently, neither do blog posts...)

Here are the things that I've learned about planning for writing:

1. Know your destination. One of the most profound pieces of advice I've come across lately is that you should always write the ending, or at least know how your story ends, before you write the beginning. Of course, now I'm thinking, "Well, duh," but it really struck me because it was something I hadn't considered. I have had vague notions of how I wanted my story to end, but I had been too busy worrying about getting started to even think about where it was all going to end up. I have more concrete plans now... I think.
2. Writing needs to be included on the to-do list. Yep, right next to laundry, scrubbing toilets, and replacing light bulbs. I've found that if I have an actual list to cross off items as I do them, the chances of getting them done rise exponentially. And it doesn't have to be every day—it's just a good feeling to see at the end of the week that I've got more words than I had a week ago. 
3. Set weekly and monthly goals. I may shoot for a time to write, or a certain number of words to get down on the paper (or screen, as it were). Or I may tell myself that I simply must commit to writing one blog post per month and one or two new scenes for the novel. Again, it's not going to accomplish itself, and it's a great feeling to cross that goal off the list when it's done. Try it!

That's about as far as I've gotten. I have plans and goals. I've set a path, and I hope it will keep me "Right on Track." The actual execution is still a bit up in the air, though, because another thing I learned as a teacher and am reminded of on a daily basis is that, in the immortal and infinitely wise words of the poet Robert Burns, "The best laid schemes o'Mice and Men gang aft agley." Personally, I'm happy to accept that we live in a world where there's room for irony—I think it takes some of the pressure off.

Jane's Writing Tip of the Day:

I still seem to be stuck on punctuation—especially comma use. So here it is: The serial comma (the one that comes before the "and" in a list of three or more items) is not optional, folks. Know it, practice it((,)) and don't ever leave it out again. Thank you.

One of my favorite 80s songs ever: "Right on Track" by The Breakfast Club. They've got dancing chickens and everything—Enjoy!

# of proofreads: 22

# of edits: 54

I Can't Go For That. No Can Do.

I recently found myself in a situation that confounded everyone I asked (even though they all had pretty strong opinions about it), and search as I might, I have yet to locate any kind of answer for it. I've settled on a theory that makes sense, but, well, whether or not it will stand up in a court of law remains to be seen. The question is this: How much culpability does an editor have for the presentation/content of what is being edited?

See, what had happened was, I accepted a job to edit/proofread portions of a book. The subject matter, of which I was completely unaware during the invitation and interview phase, turned out to be full of wild assertions and hate speech directed at several racial and religious groups.

Oh.

Well, by that time, I was already under contract and wanted to be professional—after all, this is the Land of the Free-to-Say-Anything-You-Want-No-Matter-How-Inflammatory-and-Ignorant-It-Is. So I corrected the writing mistakes to the best of my ability and sent it back, hoping to be done with it. And darned if he didn't write back, trying to get me to do the rest of it.

Doh!

The next portion he sent me to edit was really what pushed it over the top. I can accept that some people may have skewed, uneducated, and narrow-minded perceptions of certain things, no matter how much those perceptions may turn my stomach. What stopped me cold was the part where he singled out one of the richest, most powerful men in the world, his wife, and their very large charitable organization. He associated them with facts that were blatantly false, and then accused them of using said charitable organization to commit deliberate and premeditated murder against a certain ethnic group.

Double doh!

I checked with my handy dandy Dictionary.com, and sure enough, this is what I found:

li·bel

  [lahy-buhl]  Show IPA noun, verb, li·beled, li·bel·ingor ( especially British  ) li·belled, li·bel·ling.

noun

1.

Law.

a.

defamation by written or printed words, pictures, or in any form other than by spoken words or gestures.

b.

the act or crime of publishing it.

c.

a formal written declaration or statement, as one containing the allegations of a plaintiff or the grounds of acharge.

2.

anything that is defamatory or that maliciously or damagingly misrepresents.

Well, crap. I want NOTHING to do with this.


As an editor, my job is to make sure that things are correct, which includes fact-checking. I believe that I have a responsibility to ask questions and make recommendations. But from a legal standpoint, how responsible am I for the substance of what is published, if it is my ultimate job to ensure that a manuscript is publishable? 

That is the question that nobody seems to be able to answer with any firm sources of reference, although I have gotten many wonderful, sensible opinions on the matter. 

Having carefully considered what everyone has had to say, this is my theory: I think that, as a freelance editor when the author is planning to self-publish, I can make corrections and suggestions and recommendations till the cows come home, but it is the author who has the final say on what is published. This should absolve me from any legal culpability. It may be different if I were working for a publishing house, since the the publisher trumps the author there, but since that's not the case, I think I'm good.

After arriving at this conclusion, I felt remotely better, but was still stuck on how to walk away from this contract and not look back. I genuinely agonized over this for several days - I knew it was absolutely the right thing to do, but I was afraid that ending the contract would invite a backlash that would have a negative effect on my client feedback score and thereby affect my ability to get hired in the future. I wanted to find a gracious, professional, non-confrontational way of extracting myself from this pickle without compromising my integrity.

Then, FINALLY, someone told me about the loophole for contractors who want to get out of a contract and skip the messy issue of bad feedback: Refund all the money!! Fortunately, he hadn't paid me all that much, but really, any amount would have been worth it. So, the end of this little saga has me ending the contract with a short note: "I'm sorry, but I am unable to continue editing your manuscript. Here is a full refund. Good luck." I haven't heard from him since, and I'm sleeping much better at night (when I do get to sleep at night, but that's a different story - please see my previous post reference to Zombies...).

Moral of the story: It's a good practice to ask questions up front to know what you're getting into—just in case, and there's always a "best" way out of a situation, if you look hard enough. Yep, lesson learned!

Jane's Writing Tip of the Day: 
I think I could probably write an entire book about punctuation. I know others have, but apparently there are countless people out there who have missed them all. Today, I'm peeved about comma use. I see a lot of people who use them WAY too much, and some people who seem to have never heard of them. This is what you need to know: Commas are very much like chocolate. Not only do they both start with the letter "C" (I have preschoolers, so I notice these things), but they also 1) have a definite place in life, 2) can be over-indulged, and 3) when used correctly, can make things so much easier to process.


And finally, a big thank you to Daryl Hall and John Oates for the title of today's post. Who couldn't use a little Hall & Oates to brighten their day?  :) Enjoy!

I Can't Go For That (No Can Do) - Daryl Hall & John Oates

# of Proofreads: 19
# of Edits: 38

That's What Friends Are For

Again, it was not my intent to go so long between posts. As a matter of fact, I opened this draft somewhere towards the end of January. Then suddenly, the flood gates opened, and everyone needed something edited at once! February was a constant barrage of work, and there were a couple of weeks in there that felt like it was last summer again in terms of the amount of sleep I was not getting. (Note to self: when it comes to oatmeal for breakfast, cinnamon and chili powder are not interchangeable...) But I'm not complaining. It's going well, and suddenly, it seems that sixty percent or more of my work has come from clients contacting me and not the other way around. I don't know, that just feels like something I should be kinda proud of...

But I realized that, as far as the original purpose for this blog, which was to write about my efforts to write, I've gotten a little bit off track. So,  I'm happy to announce that, over the course of the last month,  I'm back in business with my big WIP (that stands for work-in-progress, in case you were wondering <g>).

Hence, my reason for today's post title. I'd always assumed that being a writer was kind of a solitary proposition. After all, unless you are actively collaborating on a project, writing is really a one-man job, right? There's no office downtown where all the writers have to go every morning to clock in. There's no walking across the street together for lunch every day, and there's no heading out for a drink after work to vent about frustrations on the job.

I'm rather embarrassed to admit it had never occurred to me that there could be such a thing as a global writers' community. I think I had always known about writers' conventions, and I certainly knew about the awards that are given out for every year's best shining examples of literary genius. But it never occurred to me that the writing community was as busy and connected and vibrant as I have found it to be, since I've waded into it and gotten my toes wet. (Right now, writers everywhere would be staring at me in open-mouthed incredulity, and I can just hear their collective, "Duh!!" uttered in that sarcastic tone that only excellent writers can assume. I assure them, I am thoroughly ashamed of this lack of common sense, and I can only plead to being blonde.)

So, a few months ago, I decided that if I wanted to be a writer, I needed to go where the writers are. I joined the Books and Writer's Community Forum on Compuserve. Now, I'm not a big online "talker," and I've never in my life developed a virtual friendship. So, I did what I usually do on forums, and I lurked around on the BWCF for a few weeks, trying to get a feel for things. At the end of January, I finally got brave and introduced myself.

What do you know? People are NICE!! And supportive, and encouraging, and willing to offer extremely helpful suggestions on your writing. Some of them are real, honest-to-goodness published authors, and some of them, like me, are hopeful. I have found a wide range of age groups, countries, and general walks of life represented. I've read posted snippets from many genres, and I can say that, across the board, these people are oozing with talent, and they all share a love for a good story. It's a little intimidating and extremely humbling to jump into the midst of them, but they have all been so gracious in making me feel welcome.

What I was most excited about was the idea of having a sounding board for my WIP (which is still lacking a title), and the Writer's Exercises board provides an excellent opportunity for that. Every month, a different "assignment" is announced, so when you post your assignment, everyone reads it and then offers kudos and constructive criticisms. It's like a fun creative writing practicum. I did the February exercise for the first time, and loved it. The best part was that I wrote a new scene in my novel for the first time in two years!! Wow, I may get this book done yet!

I received some wonderful and extremely helpful comments, but they really made me feel like I just might have something interesting, that other people might want to read. And that's been my biggest fear—that the story I want to tell is not one that anyone wants to hear. But now, I can't wait to get March's assignment done, and read what everyone else has been writing. These people are awesome!! <g>


On a side note, since I've been doing all this editing, my list of grammar peeves is starting to grow. I don't know how in the world some people are getting through school...<ahem> So, I thought I'd start a new feature cleverly entitled, "Jane's Writing Tip of the Day, " and it shall be directed towards/addressed to—in particular—my potential future clients, but also to everyone else who may need a little refresher (you know who you are).

Jane's Writing Tip of the Day #1:  The end of a sentence requires either a period, a question mark, or an exclamation point. There are no exceptions.  

...Trust me—many, many, many people need to be reminded of this...




Today's 80s Flashback: "That's What Friends Are For" -Dionne Warwick & Friends
I just watched this for the first time in years...Lord, have mercy... please pass the cheese... :)


# of Proofreads: 19
# of Edits: 34

What I Am Is What I Am

Happy New Year, Y'all!! Did you jump on the Resolution Bandwagon? I'm not a big resolution-maker, but I do sternly tell myself the same thing every January: This WILL be the year that I send thank you notes, birthday cards, and Christmas presents On Time!! .... For those of you who know me, you know I have yet to make it past February with this one, and you're probably enjoying a good chuckle right about now...

So. It's 2013 - do you know who you are? And I mean that in the deepest, most philosophical sense, of course. It's a question that we are asked from the time we are very little: "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Invariably, our answers change over the years. Sometimes from year to year, sometimes from minute to minute. And sometimes, people are still struggling to answer that question well into adulthood.

My favorite author, Diana Gabaldon, got me thinking about this years ago, with a conversation between two characters in her book Voyager (the 3rd book of the Outlander series).  When Claire explains to Roger why she went to medical school, she says, "It wasn't so much that I suddenly decided I must become a doctor--it was just that I suddenly realized one day that I'd been one for a long time--and then I wasn't, and I missed it. ... I'd been a doctor in every way that there is--I'd delivered babies, set bones, stitched wounds, treated fevers . . . There was a terrible lot I didn't know, of course. I knew how much I could learn--and that's why I went to medical school. But it didn't really make a difference, you know. I have a diploma with an M.D. on it--but I was a doctor long before I set foot in medical school."

'Tis a rare thing, I believe--to have that bone-deep knowledge of who you are and what you are; to be able to meld your vocation into your occupation so that they are one and the same. Isn't that the ultimate dream - to be able to make your living doing what you love most? Or what you're best at? How many people identify themselves by their career, but can honestly say that it is their "calling"?

And so, having already established that I've always thought of myself as a writer, it occurred to me recently that, at some point, a doctor in medical school must decide on a specialty. That is to say, I should probably consider which genre I would like to associate myself with. And there's a lot to choose from.

Just think of how many shelves there are in a bookstore and how many times you've gotten lost in Barnes and Noble. It boggles the mind. Mystery, romance, sci-fi, children's, YA, biography, nonfiction, etc. The list continues forever. So, what shelf will my book(s) be on?


As a member of the Yahoo! Contributor Network, I am now the proud author of two published short stories. And it honestly didn't occur to me until I was ready to publish the second one that they are both ghost stories! Hmm.  Did I just find my niche?

I admit, I'm a sucker for a good ghost story. Not the horror/slasher kind, but the suspenseful, mysterious kind. And if it has a shocking plot twist, O. Henry-style, all the better. If you've ever seen The Others,  starring Nicole Kidman, you know the kind of story I'm talking about. It left me sitting there with my jaw hanging open, saying, "No way!" in a slow Bill-and-Ted kind of voice. It's the kind of story I wish I had thought of.

So, back to the million dollar question. What to write about? Thankfully, I've already identified some areas to cross off the list. Journalism, marketing, and academic writing are all pretty much a no-go. How-to books, like parenting and home organization? Nope. Gardening or cooking? My husband would laugh. I have a feeling that question will answer itself as I write. For now, it's enough to know that my heart lies in the world of fiction, where the imagination and the art of storytelling blend together to fill the senses in a delightful--or soul-moving--way using the infinite power of words. No matter what genre, I want to write stuff that, when people are finished reading it, they will consider it time well-spent. But if I had to make predictions, I would guess that my books will probably be found on a shelf somewhere in the general vicinity of the sections in the bookstore that I have always loitered in the most.


Today's title comes from a catchy, but kind of bizarre song, with lyrics that only make sense in the context of this blog post, 25 years after the fact...
What I Am -- Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians

# of proofreads: 20
# of edits: 31

It's the Eye of the Tiger, It's the Thrill of the Fight

I'm in fightin' mode. My gloves are off, and I'm not pulling any punches. As it turns out, the editing and proofreading category that I've introduced myself into is one of the more fiercely competitive areas in the wide world of freelancing.

Who knew?

When I began my little foray into the freelance job market last April, I did my research and chose two websites on which to set up shop. I created my profile, filled out the required forms, put together a portfolio, took some skill tests, and then began applying for jobs. I'm not one to make more work for myself than necessary, so my profile and portfolio are the same on each site. Thank goodness for copy-and-paste.

On Site #1, I got the first job I applied for! It was awesome! I did the work, got paid, and began to build my collection of work hours, positive feedback, and high reviews. In fact, my work on Site #1 has remained fairly consistent, with the exception of my afore-mentioned Era of the Sleep-Deprived Zombie, during which I wasn't looking for new work at all.

Site #2, however, has been an altogether different kettle of fish, and after six months of applying for jobs, I have yet to be hired. All I have to show for it is a string of closed jobs that have been "awarded to another". Sometimes they give you a reason, sometimes they don't. Once, I was informed: "Contractor's bid was too low." (What???  You didn't hire me because you wanted me to charge you more money???) Another time it was, "Contractor did not provide enough information." In that case, I got brave and re-applied (they let you revise your proposal, if you so desire), asking the client to let me know what additional information he was looking for, since I knew I had addressed every requirement in the job posting. Within an hour, I was declined again for the exact same reason. All righty, then. I'm confused, but I take the hint and move on.

Now, I'm stumped. There are a few minor differences between the two Sites, but the biggest one that I've noticed is that Site #1 lumps its editing/proofreading jobs in with other writing categories, so they might be a little harder to find. The most sought-after jobs, like fiction editing, may accumulate as many as 40 applicants after they've been posted for several days. Site #2, however, has a specific category for editing and proofreading, so every job gets anywhere from 20 to 50 applicants within the first 12 hours of being posted.  How do you stand out in a crowd like that? I've studied advice from the veterans and examined other profiles, and still don't see any glaring differences between mine and theirs, but these are the main points that I've been able to come up with:

1. Describe, describe, describe!  As an English teacher, I would call this "elaboration". Describe your experience, your education, your work ethic, and especially any mad skillz you happen to possess! (Please, don't spell skills with a "z" in your profile...) Be specific, but not wordy. Be professional and personable.
2. Pictures in your portfolio are cool. Document thumbnails are not all that exciting, but when I finally realized that some of the books I had edited were actually being sold on Amazon, with covers and everything, I was actually able to upload the pictures of the book covers along with the link to the book (I love Amazon's Click to Look Inside feature!), and now I can say I have a much prettier portfolio.
3. Chose only the most brilliant, shining examples of your work for your portfolio. If it's not great, it's not worth using it just to pad your pile of work. Also, PDF files are the way to go for providing work samples in your portfolio. Apparently, not everyone can open a .docx file (again, who knew?), but PDF is pretty universal. 
4. The early bird gets the worm! Or, at least, gets more consideration. This is pure assumption on my part, but it stands to reason that the faster you move on something, the more favorable it looks to the person whose job it is to pick you. Just sayin'. That, and the idea that the earlier you apply, the smaller the crowd of applicants and the better chance you'll have of being noticed.

So.... these are the things that I have re-evaluated about myself and my game plan. And suddenly, since I began planning and writing this blog post, I'VE GOTTEN A JOB ON SITE #2!! Awesome. Still a long way to go to before calling it a career, but it's a start. Of course, it didn't hurt at all that there were only 4 applicants for this one. See? Sometimes, all it takes is sending in the right proposal at the right time. Or, as I like to call it, pure Divine Intervention...

Survivor - The Eye of the Tiger

I love the story behind this song - Sly Stallone himself called up the band and asked them to write a song for his movie (Rocky III) because he couldn't use Queen's "Another One Bites the Dust". They asked if they could watch the movie to get some inspiration, and though he was hesitant at first, he finally allowed them a sneak peek. They caught the phrase "the eye of the tiger" in the dialogue, and the whole song was finished in an hour and a half.

# of proofreads: 22

# of edits: 39

All You Zombies, Hide Your Faces...

O Summer, Summer, wherefore art thou, O Summer?  Methinks thou hast stolen away like a thief in the night....  and there I go mixing up my references.  The point is that I seem to have taken an inadvertently extended leave of absence in my blog-writing endeavor. Truth be told, the entire summer has passed by in a sleep-deprived haze of rotating house guests (which was awesome!), sporadic writing work (sometimes not-so-awesome - more on that to come), and the struggle to establish a routine for a baby who, at the tender age of five months, decided that he no longer needed to sleep through the night (totally NOT awesome) - hence, this blog's title.  And it wasn't until after I had chosen the title (because that's exactly how I've been feeling, minus the craving for brains) that this conversation actually took place:

Oldest Son: "Mom, are you ok?"
Me: "Yes, I'm all right.  Why do you ask?"
Oldest Son: "Because every time I come home from school, you look like a zombie."
Me: "Thanks for noticing, Dear."


Anyway, for those of you who have been anxious and just dying to find out: Yes, I did get my pool!



And it was truly worth it.  My backyard feels complete, I feel like a true Floridian, and all feels right with the world. 

But I digress.  The other thing that happened over the course of the summer was that I learned a lot about what I want to do, what I don't want to do, and how very much I don't know about the whole business.  Over the past few months, I've done various jobs for some repeat clients.  Most of them were editing / proofreading jobs, but one job involved writing web content for sites selling a product or service. And while I'm generally good with writing assignments, this one had me doing some fairly deep soul-searching and identifying the valuable lessons that I've learned in my professional journey thus far.  And they are as follows:

#1: I really, really don't want to write web content.  I don't like it. (In my head, this is in Tigger's voice, i.e. "Yuck! Tiggers don't like honey!") Some people may be able to just spit out truly compelling wordage in order to sell products and services; I'm not one of them.  My proofreading OCD makes it nearly impossible, and it should not take a person three or more hours to write 1,000 words when given detailed information and paragraph-by-paragraph instructions. Moral: I should never again apply for one of these jobs, nor should I ever accept an invitation to apply. It's not my thing.

#2: This is what I DO want to do: Proofreading. Editing. Writing on MY terms. Yahoo graciously accepted one of my stories for publication - A Timeless Rose  (well, I volunteered to do a "flash fiction" piece, forgot about the deadline, and then wrote it in three hours, hoping they would still accept it after midnight... they did), and judging from the number of page views, people must think it's a decent story.  As for the proofreading and editing, well, that's just what I do, no matter what I'm reading or if I'm getting paid. I love it, and I'm good at it.  'Nuff said.

#3: Applying for jobs is exactly like starting a new English class in college where, in order to get a good grade (or in this case, a job), you have to know how to modify your writing style to make the professor (or in this case, the client) approve of your talent enough to give you said good grade (or in this case, said job). Only now, I don't get a whole semester to figure it out. Most of the time, it's a crap shoot. You just write your cover letter / proposal, and pray that whoever reads it knows how to recognize competence when they see it.

#4: People can be shady. They can be sneaky, manipulative, stubborn, and quite short on common sense. I'm disheartened by how many clients will contact me for free work - they'll ask me to edit a sample or test, and then I never hear from them again. That was such a hard lesson to learn, because you want to be able to offer up proof of your skill, but when your portfolio is a little light, you feel like you have to say, "Sure!  I'll show you what I can do!" (I get a mental image here of a small dog, waiting for the command to do the cool trick so she can get the treat that's coming.) But slow down there, Rookie! The talk around the water cooler is that, apparently, certain clients will ask several contractors for a "trial edit" and distribute different sections of the same article or book.  Do this enough times, and voila! The whole thing has been edited for free!! Well dagnabbit, I refuse to be a party to this scam. From now on, my portfolio, sparse as it is, will have to speak for itself.

I'm sure I will continue to add to this list of lessons as the months go on.  In the meantime, I will curl up with my brand new copy of the Chicago Manual of Style and my Publishing Ebooks For Dummies and  learn how to hone my craft. 

In the meantime, enjoy this flashback, which is - surprisingly - about Bible stories.  Thank you to The Hooters for a beautifully paradoxical song...

All You Zombies, The Hooters

# of proofreads: 29

# of edits: 39